I need to get this post out of the way. It's definitely not a "Momedy" post so Reader, be warned. On Tuesday, September 24, I had the honor of running a 5k for a little boy. Max was born and received into heaven on May 21, 2011. I met his momma, Anna, through a women's leadership group in 2012 and found out we had a few friends in common. The more I get to know her, the more I admire her strength, passion, and leadership. She is one amazing cookie. She organizes this 5k in memory of her little boy, Max, and the proceeds benefit a local hospital family bereavement fund and NICU. Anna has joined me in a "weight loss/get fit" journey through Shaklee as well. Through this program we have shared goals, frustrations, and victories with each other. One of my goals was to run a 5k in under 30 minutes. I would have loved nothing more than to run this particular 5k in that goal. I started strong but hit a wall after mile two. I finished in 32:58.40. High point: I was the first stroller in and placed 17th out of 72! I'll take that. It got to be a real struggle for me with the stroller. My friend, who was walking the race, said she'd take Harvey so I could focus on meeting my goal but I didn't want him to turn around and get scared that I wasn't the one pushing him so I said I'd run with him. As I started hitting my wall, my mind reeled. It always does when I run because I can actually be alone with a thought or two when I'm running. So as my pace slowed, my brain sped up. I thought about why I was running this race. It wasn't just to meet my goal. It was to support my friend who went through this loss and honor a little boy. This was about the time Harvey started turning around to look at me. I looked down at my smiley, little boy and my heart swelled with love and pride. My thoughts then went on to Max and other babies I know who immediately went from earth to heaven. Whether these babies became angels at 8 weeks or 38 weeks, they all deserved this race and I know Max was sharing it with them. So to Harlynn, Sophia, Baby N, and Baby F... You were also with me.
Yes, Baby F, is Harvey's little sibling. We were "expecting unexpectedly" this summer and in a whirlwind of time we went from shock that we were expecting to shock that we weren't. The month of July was really a blur. I don't elect to tell you this information in an effort to gain sympathies, praise, or recognition. I share this because it is weighing on my heart and as I ran Miles for Max, I decided it needed to be told. As I have told the few that knew we were expecting, it is hard to wrap your head around something that you were having trouble wrapping your head around to begin with. For so long during a pregnancy, the expecting couple tries to keep everything a secret. They try to hit that golden "12 week mark" in hopes that things will be smooth sailing after that. But what do you do when that secret that you've struggled to keep, turns into something painful? Are you required to keep that a secret now too? How do you tell people, "Oh we were pregnant but..."? How do you start off a conversation with "Hey, I had a miscarriage..."? I know people who have had trouble conceiving, can't conceive, had "oops" babies, and lost babies at early or late parts of gestation. You just NEVER KNOW what someone is going through.
Today as we sat our little boy in his own chair at church and watched how well he behaved, I thought to myself that whether Harvey becomes a big brother or not, it's not really up to us. There is a bigger plan for us and we just need to trust it. That plan probably has a lot of joy in it, but it might also have more sorrow along the way. That's ok. Because right now, we are so very blessed,