The Pinched Cheek 10k

Post was started yesterday but didn't get it done to complete it until today. Enjoy! Reader be warned: Gross post! Haha. :) It seemed like everyone I know was running this morning. From Run4Change in Fargo, to Goldy's 5k in Minneapolis, to a Hospice 10k in North Carolina. Even those who were just posting sunrise selfies of their calm neighborhood jog--everyone was running.

Me? I was lazy this morning. Boy, was I lazy. I was supposed to go with my neighbor to a 10k at 6:45am this morning but texted her last night (when it was raining) that I was going to bail on the race. We were going to do a walk up registration so it's not like I was out any money. I promised I would still get my run in but I was going to "sleep in".

Psh. Whatever. I have a child. Even when you think about sleep they have different plans. Of course my little dear one was chirping at 6:45am. If it wasn't him, it would have been the dog. It's always the dog...

I didn't go run with my friend when the morning was calm. While she was getting the run done, I was dragging my feet, wasting time, trying to get meaningless tasks done around the house. I was watching my Facebook NewsFeed fill up with everyone's accomplishments for the morning. Me? I had the "dark cloud" of having to run over my head. The longer I waited the darker that cloud became. It also got windy outside. It's North Dakota. Of course, it got windy outside.

Eventually, I got my running clothes on, put my earbuds in, and laced up my shoes. I was out the door. I'll just do my own little 10k. Here goes nothing. The run started like any other. Fairly decent pace under nine minutes per mile. I always start out a bit faster and then slow down. Just how it goes.

Then it happened. I was around 2.6 miles. There was a little rumbly in my tummy. Uh oh. I was going to get the runner's poops. Well, I prayed to God that I wasn't actually going to get them but my mind instantly went into survival mode.

The following thoughts raced through my head:

These ditches are deep enough, I could hide pretty well if I needed to take care of business.

I've only seen two cars in 30 minutes so what are the odds anyone would see me?

Ugh, why did I wear the gray running pants today? I always wear black! Note to self: buy more black!

Hmm, this lacy little number under these capris aren't going to protect me much.

Should I turn around? No, you're almost halfway anyway. Might as well make it count!

Should I call Turner? He's only had to come pick me up one other time because of this and that's because I was wearing peach shorts. Why don't I always wear black?

Well, last time I had Turner race me home, I door dinked the cars in the garage because I had to run into the house so fast. He still bring it up. Ok, I won't call him.

Good thing I wore layers today. I can just use this Under Armor sweatshirt if I need to. I'll just leave it in the ditch and hope no one finds it and think I was kidnapped.

Maybe it will only be a fart.

Why, oh why, did I belly up to the desserts yesterday? Damn, you delicious cream cheese dips.

This is what I get for not sticking to a cleaner diet. I'm buying stuff for Get Light ASAP.

I'll just pinch my cheeks harder and run as fast as I can. Yeah, let's do that.

Yes, my mind was really that active! It helped to occupy my mind even if it was occupied on my digestive parts. I did have to stop and walk around 4.25 miles because I thought I was a goner, but I was able to keep going, without incident, and get my 6.2 miles completed! I ended a bit slower than I wished (9:53 pace) but for running a 10k, pinching my butt cheeks most of the way and NOT pooping in my pants, I thought I avoided this countryside embarrassment successfully!