Hello World, Yes. It is I. Butters. The long-lost queen of the Fixen household. You haven't heard from me since my birthday this past April. That's how infrequent I am allowed to voice my opinion of how this family is truly operating. It's tragic really.
Our new abode has proven difficult for me. This past spring, I was bathed far too often due to the lack of luscious green pasture in our yard. I wasn't allowed to frolic as I please because of the risk of another bath. My aging fur coat lost its sheen. My delicate skin became more fragile. Despite Maid's efforts to bathe me with top of the line products, I still cringe at the thought of entering the tub. Maid never gets the temperature to my liking.
Our front door has a window that allows me minimal view to the outside world. Over the summer, we were graced with machinery every day that disturbed my peace. The only perk to that commotion is that appears to have left us with new Younglings next door who have taken an interest in me. I guess my unrest may be worth it if they prove useful.
A few weeks ago, I gave Maid a good scare. I was testing her love for me and I, of course, came out victorious. She teased me with a brief trip to my beloved farm. Oh the farm! My place of solace where I am free to run about and enjoy as much thrown out rubbish as I desire. This trip however felt different. Maid was rushing about in attempts to get the Youngling settled in with his, what do they call them? "Nana and Papa". As we were pulling away from my beloved atmosphere, Maid stopped abruptly, in the middle of the driveway no less, to see Servant who was entering the farm with an enormous automobile filled with grains. Now. You may think that there was no issue with this action however you'd be quite wrong. Maid, abandoned me! She left the vehicle while she hob knobbed with Servant. Before I knew it, Maid was in the enormous automobile filled with grains leaving with Servant! She had forgotten me! In my despair, I attempted to escape but proved unsuccessful. I am told that Maid contacted Nana to rescue me but in my anxiety I had locked myself in the vehicle! There was no rescuing me until Maid returned to the farm, went home to get a spare key, and came back to save me. Time seemed to stop. I thought I would surely perish. I, however, am a resilient creature and survived this stressful event.
Since the episode that almost caused my demise, Maid has attempted to include me in more activities with the Youngling. However, there are some days she chooses to leave me out of our daily walks claiming the weather is to blame. Well. I silently get her back. While I cuddle up to Maid, I very quietly flatulate on her lap. When I hear Maid exclaim, "Gross!" I know the victory is again mine.
Until we meet again, Butters