Walking the Line

Six days until our due date. You know, give or take a few. Six or so days until we meet this little girl. Six days until our world changes. Six days until the sleep deprivation sets in. Six days until our love multiplies. Six days left as a family of three. Six days with an only child. Six days to love up on my oldest. Six days to enjoy a clear kitchen counter (before all kinds of baby stuff clutters it up). Six days with only one cars seat. Six days...

What am I going to do for six more days?!? 

No, seriously. What am I going to do with myself for the next week or so? With my first child, I worked in an office. I had things to get done, people to train in to take over for me, and 200 some people I could go talk to at the drop of a hat. Now? I'm at home with a threenager (oh yeah, we are so there) and I am walking this fine line of loving up on him as his last days as my only or wanting to lock myself in a room away from the I-do-it-I'm-not-eating-that-everything-is-a-fight threenager. I am walking a fine line of gushy love and extreme dislike for him. 

A week or so ago, a friend messaged me and told me how normal it was to feel like we were about to completely turn our son's world upside down by adding another child. She reassured me that everything would be ok and that our son would more than likely be an amazing helper and love every minute of our newest addition. I replied to her that I had that breakdown a few months ago already. At this point, our world needs a little shaking up. Me and the threenager aren't going to make it much longer without a major distraction. Baby Girl, we are waiting! 

I've been taking advantage of almost every grand parent and friend offer to take our son right now. Part of me struggles with this because "what if this is his last day as our only child", "what if this is the last time I am to physically pick him up for awhile", "what if we don't get to see him for a few days or so", "what if I am so sleep deprived that I really do lose my mind"? Then he starts fighting me and I gladly call in my village to help me take care of him. Because frankly, mom out of sight is better than mom out of her mind right now.

Tonight I even called in part of these troops. Dinner with a side of B Complex. What was for dinner? Oh you know, just chili soaked in my tears. Yikes. It was attractive. #keepinitreal

But as I sit here an hour later, I must say, I feel a whole heck of a lot better. A tad more stable. Just a tad... 

Well, hubby and son just came upstairs to start bedtime so I better sign off. That and I don't know how to end this other than just pray for me. Not us, just me. I need all the prayers I can get right now. One day this will all be a memory, right?!