The decision to have another child was hard enough the way it was. We had miscarried in 2013 so if we were to try and get pregnant again, this was going to be it. We also were really comfortable with our routine. Things felt like they were getting easier with our son every day. But we were always asking ourselves "what if" and it was normally "What if we don't try? Will we regret it?" These questions swirled around us for months, if not a full year. It was always after this or that: after our son's birthday, after Christmas, after the New Year... we just kept putting the decision off. I was 100% torn as to what to do. Finally one day, I threw my hands up in the air, straight up to God and said, "You take care of it." No, Immaculate Conception did not happen but after that simple prayer, it all got worked out, and we got pregnant. Yes, we are very lucky and very blessed. I realize life isn't always that simple and sometimes prayers go painfully unanswered. But after my one answered prayer, I prayed another. This time I prayed for a boy.
Our boy was easy. He was simple. He's pretty easy going. He was a laid back baby. He's a slow and steady kind of kid. To me a girl automatically meant drama that I didn't know if we were prepared to deal with. Looking back at my life, I knew how I was as a teenager. Bat. Shit. Crazy. Like, I can reflect on my teenage years and see where everything felt so off. Are we really sure we would be able to handle this? I just didn't see a girl fitting into our family. I saw my hubby taking his two sons fishing and me having the house to myself. Just THINK of all the stuff I was going to get done! Not that a girl can't fish, but two boys would just be EASY right??
This time around we were going to find out what we were having so we could have things in order a bit more. I didn't really want to find out but it was more because deep down I think I knew we were having a girl. I didn't want it confirmed. I didn't want this future crazy teenager!! Or sassy threenager!! I was just too scared about it. We found out, at the last minute, without a reveal party or any bells and whistles. Just the ultrasound tech, who was kind of crabby that day, saying it was a girl. Lovely. I should have had her at least just whisper it to my husband so he could have told me a bit more joyfully. So it's a girl! "God, are you sure about this?"
And on October 14, right on her due date, our little miss came roaring into the world. Labor was less than four hours and the midwife talked me out of getting an epidural. (Seriously, who does that?!) But as soon as that baby girl came into this world and it was deemed that she was healthy, I couldn't have been happier. While the nurses took care of her and I got in the tub for a bit by myself, I looked up to the heavens and whispered, "Thank you. Just thank you." Everything felt complete at that moment.
Tomorrow our little beauty turns six months old already and I couldn't love her more. Yes, even when she is up four times during the night and I feel like a zombie. She is such a joy. She has spark. She has fire. She does everything with gusto. She folds her hands together in the most adorable fashion. She loves her brother and doesn't hesitate to start screaming if he gets too close. She really loves her daddy. She means business. .And yes, she's already dramatic. My prayer has changed. My prayer now is that God helps us parent this little beauty the way we were meant to. That we help her find her path in life and help her live it boldly and proudly. That we navigate any potential drama with love. That we help her find her passion and encourage her to thrive.
Yes, I prayed for a boy. But thankfully God knew what my heart needed.