I have been trying to get back to consistently running again. It's the exercise I enjoy and there's nothing better than lacing up and taking off all alone. Just me and my music and thoughts. I love how it clears my head. Ideally, I'd get up super early and get it done like I did last summer but for some reason that's just not working this year. So it's usually not done until after 8pm at night but thankful for our long days right now. Last night, for some reason I had in my head I needed to run a 5k. I have been hovering around the two mile mark "just to get it done" but really wanted to do more so last night I just decided to go.
It was a weird run. I normally start out of the gate fairly quickly, slow down, and then sprint it home. Not yesterday. Yesterday took on a steady and what felt like to me a very slow pace. Every half mile when my tracker alerted me, I was consistent so I just went with it. It didn't really matter the speed, it mattered that it was getting done. As I sprinted the last .1 miles to get to the full 5k, I ended with this view. It's a good one isn't it?!
Despite this beauty, I ended with disappointment.
Disappointment that the run felt sluggish. Disappointment that I didn't run a 5k under 30 minutes. Disappointment that it simply wasn't my best! Now I am going to show you the numbers.
Why was I so disappointed with that? Why did I insist on focusing on the negative feelings? Why are we our own worst critics? Why are so so stinkin' hard on ourselves?
As I walked back to my house I thought of people who would love to have a time like that. I thought of people who would love to be able to be active. I thought of people who have health conditions that prevent them from living the life they want to live. The song that was playing when I ended made me think of a friend who is struggling with some major self doubt and disappointment. I thought of how great it was that I have the ability to lace up and just go for a run. I thought about how far I have come. I thought of that beautiful sunset. I thought of how grateful I am to be able to go and run three miles without a second thought. I thought about how grateful I am that we have a pretty healthy life. I thought of how I am stronger than I think. And of course I ended with my favorite mantra "I gave birth without drugs, twice. I can do anything!"
Part of me also appreciates the disappointment. Because if I am completely honest with myself, I haven't put in the training I need to run more efficiently. My diet hasn't been the best lately. I haven't even been drinking as much water as I should. I haven't done the work to actually run that 5k under 30 minutes. That time is a stretch goal for me. It doesn't come easy. But it's always something I want to strive for when I set out.
Is there something in your life that disappoints you? Is it a scenario where you are maybe being too hard on yourself? Give yourself a little grace. Take a step back and appreciate all around you. Or when you honestly look back at the disappointment, are you maybe not putting in the work necessary to achieve that stretch goal?
You have a choice. Camp out with the negative, disappointed feelings. Change your attitude and accept the situation as is. Or decide you are going to work harder to cast out the disappointment completely. I hope you choose to work harder and smash that goal.